The whole corrupt system…the courts, the police, everyone needs to wake up to the fact that little children are being murdered like this all the time at the hands of abusers. Not just in Alberta, or in Canada, but everywhere. Little Colton Saunders is the one paying this time for the corruption and indifference towards abused women and children. Mothers being threatened with being charged with filing false reports, and questions about being “fit” for reporting abuse just didn’t happen here, it happens everywhere, all the time. I really hope each and every one of the corrupt bastards that had anything to do with this case looks deep within themselves and ask why they allowed this to happen, and find it within themselves to prevent it from happening ever again, for little Colton’s sake.
ROSEDALE — The swing set is rocked by the wind and a red tricycle is abandoned by a shed in tall grass – signs of life left behind by a young boy killed by his own father. Yesterday, the three-year-old’s mother, Meara McIntosh sat on a deck outside the very house she fled just recently, saying she feared it was the only way to save her son from harm.
‘I WAS TERRIFIED’
“I left here because I was terrified to be in my own home,” she said yesterday.
Last Sunday, her nightmare – a culmination of what she says was months of stalking and no one listening – became reality when police found Colton dead in a Drumheller home at the hands of his own father, Richard Saunders, who was found dead at his side. “I think it happened the way it did so I would have to wake up every day for the rest of my life without snuggle bubble,” the 27-year-old said yesterday while holding her son’s tiny stuffed monkey. “But I won’t let him take my happiness, I will celebrate his life and one day I will remarry and have more children.”
Last Friday, McIntosh said she was forced to hand Colton over to Saunders for the weekend – despite fearing he would harm them and planned to leave town to get away from her estranged husband. “I knew statistically, it was the most dangerous time and had no intention of letting him see Colton again,” she said.
Terrified, she obeyed the court order – and now will never see her son alive again.
“I forgot to say goodbye,” she said. “But baby boy didn’t, he always said goodbye.
“He said goodbye over his shoulder and went bouncing off.”
McIntosh said she left her husband when Colton was 10 months old because of his drug use and late nights. After she moved from Fort McMurray to Drumheller, however, Saunders soon followed to try to rekindle the relationship, she said. From there, an ongoing custody dispute unfolded. “Then the stalking started,” she said.
It began with suspicious footprints in the snow outside her home, vandalism and slashed car tires. She got a restraining order but after it expired she sought help – only to find none. She said cops “threatened to arrest (her) for making false complaints,” while a social worker tried to claim she was an unfit mother and some people in the community simply didn’t believe her.
She said she started keeping a journal, got a tape recorder and put video surveillance outside her home, hoping to convince officials of her claims of fear. She went into hiding about two months ago when a court order forced her to stay in Drumheller. “I was absolutely terrified,” she said.
RCMP have not revealed the cause of Colton and his father’s death but suspect it may have been carbon monoxide poisoning. McIntosh’s father, John, is pointing fingers at authorities. “Police, social services and the court system worked in perfect conjunction to deliver Colton to his death,” he said.
REVIEWING COMPLAINTS
RCMP Sgt. Patrick Webb said cops are reviewing the many complaints filed by the couple dealing with child custody issues.
He said there were none involving threats or physical danger.
Original story at the Edmonton Sun.
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[...] UPDATE: Read interview with Colton’s mother. [...]
Pingback by Yet Another Case of Father’s Rights? Custody Battle Blamed For Murder « RightsForMothers.com — October 1, 2008 @ 1:10 pm
Uh huh. I spent years and years freaking out-panic/anxiety attacks etc. every time I heard a news report of 2 children and father found dead. You see, I was accused of lying- lost custody- to a seriously abusive person.The social service system was in large part to blame.And the beat goes on – and on- and on -. I wouldn’t wish the hell of this senseless hatred crime on anyone. We call ourselves a civilized society ???? Why ?????Does MP Epp comprehend this kind of hate crime- and how his private bill would serve to feed it ????? Can we (mothers) not get together and DO something ???? The owner/writer of this blog is doing a fantastic job. Bravo.
Comment by Paws — October 1, 2008 @ 11:12 pm
It is absolutely disgusting what has happend here – it makes me sick. This guy should not have taken his son down with him…it is one thing to take your own life but geez! My concern here is, is the mother even telling the truth – something doesnt seem right with her story, the police have had issues regarding both the mother and the father. I think the mother, father and the system failed this little boy. Unfortunately I dont think all the truths will ever be known…
Comment by lily — October 2, 2008 @ 5:20 am
Munchausen Sydrome by proxy needs to be looked at here. If I was that afraid for my sons life or my own, there would be no law known to man that would make me hand my child over to the one I feared most! There is plenty of help out there for abused women. There are many places to hide. It is sad to think a sweet little boy had to pay the ultimate price for his parents mistakes. Rest in peace Colton. May someday, the Granparent find peace with the loss of their grandson and son.
Comment by chris — October 2, 2008 @ 11:53 pm
Although what the father did was the worst thing a parent can do, I know this mother and she is mentally unstable. Now that the father is dead of course she is going to go to the press but do not believe a word she is saying and find it sad that her word is going to be the last word heard. I am glad that the police have come forward with their finding on her complaints and hope the people hear what they are saying.
Comment by Sandra — October 5, 2008 @ 6:02 pm
My comment is to Sandra (posted Oct 5/08):
You say you know this mother and she is “mentally unstable”. Before you go off making such statements and expect anyone to just swallow them, do you have any training in mental health? Do you even understand the dynamics of domestic abuse on victims? Even if this mom “appeared” to you to be “mentally unstable” in your uneducated opinion, what did you do to help her? Were you just another person in the situation who sat on her hands and did nothing? Did it not occur to you that the mother was terrified and that her actions were a result of what she knew the father would do? You should be ashamed for your comments. You did nothing to help this mother and a little boy is dead now because YOU did nothing. I am sick and tired of people like you who do NOTHING and then try to blame a victim when the unthinkable happens!
Comment by freeatlast — October 11, 2008 @ 3:48 pm
Actually I am a trained professional. I am not at all ashamed of my comments. As I said, what the father did to his child was unspeakable, it is easy to attack people and “tell your story” to every newspaper in the country when they are no longer here to defend themselves. I do not believe a word she says. I do believe the RCMP with what they have reported so far.
Comment by Sandra — October 18, 2008 @ 4:11 am
In fact, as a professional and knowing both parents, I totally shocked when I heard it was the father that did this, would not have been the least bit surprised if I had heard it was the mother.
Comment by Sandra — October 18, 2008 @ 6:27 pm
Moderator note: I sat on this comment for a day before posting. It is very accusing of Colton’s mom. However, this is from a Saunder’s family member apparently, so I posted for their sake, to have a voice. I know they have suffered greatly through this too. They are victims just as much as the mother is. My heartfelt condolences to the Saunders family; it never should have happened, and I know you all suffer also.
I KNOW mom and dad and son VERY WELL….I KNOW what all of you don’t….I concur that mom is unstable, that the RCMP had to follow up on all her “complaints”, and most of them were inconclusive, fathoms, imaginative, and she was nearly charged numerous times with false complaints. The RCMP were very annoyed with her continual/constant conduct. Mom comes from a broken home (unlike Richard), had no support as a teenager, was considered a “hippie” …going from friends homes to homes (uninvited), until she was kicked out and moved on to the next. Her mom is alcoholic and never attended their lovely wedding (paid for by Richards parents) …have any of you seen the picture of Colton taken by Richard and emailed to all his closest friends where she wrote in felt pen across Coltens stomach prior to delivering him to his father for a weekend “F**K YOU RICH!”. I had false accusations made against me from her (after helping her out) and was appalled! I began to distance myself. Prior to their marriage we questioned what a bright young man was doing with her. Richard was Coltons only hope as a parent and I can see where he didn’t want his son being raised by such a crazy mother (how many sane moms would bury their child in a halloween costume? give your head a shake!). Then she says she’s going to sit on a beach in Mexico with a potters wheel….can we not see through this? Does anyone know she’s up on charges because she tried to run over some of Richards friends shortly after, or she posted 20 pictures of Colton on Richards lawyers office windows in the middle of the night – something she admitted to after questioning from the RCMP. She came to Drumheller from Fort McMurray because Richards parents are the one and only stability in her life. They adored their only grandchild (and she sent Colton to them at every opportunity – without diapers, without clothes and of course they’d purchase them and send them home). This girl knew which strings to pull where. It states he followed her there to reconcile….his parents live there!!! Her govt. loans remain unpaid. CON is the word here. She tried to take Colton out of province WITHOUT Richard knowing. It was not all up front, he found out and had a court order to stop it. Richard was very well liked and was a good father – unfortunately his respectable parents are the real victims here, they lost a son and a grandson. My point – don’t judge or condemn unless you know the WHOLE story.
Comment by Insider — October 19, 2008 @ 9:41 pm
I know the real story, I am a friend of Meara’s. She loved her son more then anyone can love anybody. I have never seen a closer bond between a mother & her son.
The above comment says what sane mother would bury their child in a halloween costume, well lets see it was Colton’s favourite clothing at the time of his death, maybe she did it out of respect for Colton.
I met Richard back in 2004, while he seemed like a likable guy, obviously he is 100% at fault. Richard took the life of his own 3 year old child.
Richard got the chance to grow up & experience life. Richard got to kiss a girl for the first time, Richard got to drive a car for the first time, Richard had the opportunity to experience so much of what life has to offer. But apparently Richard did NOT think his son Colton deserved such a chance. Apparently Colton didn’t deserve the chance to play on a baseball team, Colton didn’t deserve even one last halloween. Richard Stole Colton’s life from him. Richard could have murdered Meara, but he decided that taking her only child would be more of an act of Torture.
Sure Rich seemed like a nice guy but that doesn’t matter at all, you are judged by what you do in this life and Rich decided to KILL his son to hurt Colton’s Mother.
Colton father’s most important job in life was to protect him, but he turned out to be Colton’s worst enemy.
My heart will forever go out to Meara, she lost her best friend, her son.
RIP COLTON
Moderator Note: Thanks, and I thought the halloween costume was completely appropriate. From what I’ve heard, Colton would have wanted it that way.
Comment by WishingThisNeverHappened — October 29, 2008 @ 8:56 pm
You know, it’s always difficult to see the real truth behind a complicated relationship dynamic. But the truth is that the father killed the boy. He didn’t have to do that, he was awarded visitation (of some sorts) he could have taken up the fight from there. I read a passage in a book which was quite profound to me, it went, “We, as a society, search for something wrong or pathological with the woman because if we acknowledge the truth that there is nothing wrong with her, then we are forced to accept that domestic violence can happen to any of us. And that does not sit comfortably.” So we can pathologise her as much as we like, whether being a friend or a relative, but the reality of it all is, that the father committed suicide and thought is appropriate to take his 3 year old son with him (this shows a lack of boundaries with the father, it shows sense of entitlement and a sense of ownership) and if the woman was a pathological as some have made out, of which it’s not unreasonable to expect that 75% of it may have been caused by the abusive husband and her enmeshment with is pathology, and then the poster who said they distanced themselves is just another action that led up to this tragedy. If both parents were as bad as portrayed, the child should have been removed, so the authorities didn’t do their job either.
Comment by shivers — November 3, 2008 @ 2:36 am
I had to comment on this. First in relation to Meara’s health, many claim she is mentally unstable. Meara had been fighting for her son for 18months, she had been ignored and denied most minimal rights, she was not listened to, she was forced to hand over her child who she loves/d and cared for because if she didn’t she could lost custody of. She sent this little boy away to his father, who was abusive, mentally, emotionally and physically. Wouldn’t it send all of a little nuts? Its not being called mentally unstable, its called being human, she was yearning for the protection of her child.
Many of you sit there, typing away at the keyboard, claiming I know Meara, many of you may do. I have spoken to Meara, I certainly do claim to be a close friend, meerly an associate, but one thing is for sure, she was right! You all seem to judge, but her over protectiveness of her little boy was justified, her intution was correct! More moms need to fight for their children.
The evidence was there, the note from all the meeting are still there, the social workers are still there who turned their noses up, the court documents along with the judges are still there! The only difference is, is that Meara is fighting without Colton, she is fighting for the right for her name not to dragged through the mud because SS want to cover up their mess!
I am shocked and appalled that the Saunder’s family are trying to blame Meara! This women has lost her little boy at the hands of the man you claim to be a good father! I understand that you too are grieving, but the pain you feel is NOTHING compared to how a mother feels when they lose a child! Be compassionate! It was your boy from an unbroken home who murdered her child!
As I said before I do not claim to be a friend of Meara’s, and I do not know EVERYTHING about the case, but I know this:
Meara was correct, Richard was a danger to Colton, Colton was murdered in Richards care, and all Meara tried to do was protect her son, when it comes to our babies, who thinks rationally? She may not have gone about in the best way (as I am not sure of the specifics I cannot comments on this), but she did what she could! Remember that!
Comment by Teri Evans — January 27, 2009 @ 5:35 am
Whoops mean’t to DO NOT claim to be a close friend!
Comment by Teri Evans — January 27, 2009 @ 8:27 pm
Sandra (Sandi is a counsellor at the drumheller hospital)
you have just breached patient-doctor confidentiality. you are a therapist in a small town and were treating Rich’s mother, rich, and myself. How do you think you can possibly think you can be treat all of us, act “neutral” and maintain a proper professional capacity. You do not know what was going on with me, because I refused to trust you and actully talk to you about what was actually going on when I found out that you were treating all 3 of us. Did you not pick up on that? Did you not think it odd the way I kept on coming to you for help and then sit in silence in your counselling room? I needed help and I was scared and I did not trust you but I did not know where to turn. I can see in hindsight my distrust of you was well deserved.
When I called you for help last spring, did I not sound like a incredibly stressed out mother, in a ridiculous situation who feared for her child? What did you do? Did you report it to social services? no actually you didnt. But what you did do, is sit on your hands and wait for the murder to take place, and then write about it an an “insider” after the fact! What do you think you are doing writing on the internet about this? What kind of a professional doctor are you? If you though I was mentally unstable and capable of taking my sons life why did you not contact social services as your job mandates? I did! I told them I was struggling with the divorce, and needed help because the situation was out of control. Their answer was to file for custody, which they lost because the appropriate steps would have been to help mediate the divorce and counselling, and perhaps if someone had taken the time to ACTUALLY look into this case my son might not be dead. I will be the first to admit I was not the perfect mother. But I loved my son and I tried the best I could. I was suffering from the effects of domestic violence and it was having a HUGE impact. THIS IS WHY I WAS CALLING OUT FOR HELP! even in the aftermath does noone hear that?
I have gone to the press about what happened because 2.5 months before my son died I went to the police again to ask for help after more than 2 years of fighting and they said “we think you ex is probably doing these things, but he is too sneaky, he opperates at night so we can not catch him” Then upon my sons death they said my reports did not include those of threats of violence? I will not allow them to make such crass comments and get away with it. If they truly thought I was making up all these claims, why didnt they report it to social services? EVERYBODY had a job to do because this problem went on for YEARS and we were OBVIOUSLY unable to deal with it by ourselves.
I have noticed that the photo of the words written on Coltons chest has resurfaced. Does anyone want to hear my audio tape discussion of how rich thought it likely that his mother did it? by the way, has anyone ever investigated the photo to see if it was digitally created? what if it was a fancy computer program generated photo? Keep in mind that the photo was said to have been taken by rich himself. I guess that would make everyone look pretty stupid if it were huh? Why has that never been investigated? That photo was why I went to social services. I had to call them 7-8 times AFTER the photo, before they would return my call.
Sandi, think twice about calling yourself a doctor again. patient doctor confidentialty is a big thing in this country
Comment by Meara — March 5, 2009 @ 1:59 pm
I would like the opportunity to respond to the annonamous member of the saunders family.
it seems contradictory when I have read statements from “family friends” that the saunders have never said anything bad about me and how they have always treated me with respect. This note doesn’t really jive, if it was truly written by a saunders. This letter appears to be a spiteful and hurtful over anything and everything they can possibly think of, which is kind of exemplary to what has been my life since I made the decision to leave rich. The RCMP couldn’t make heads or tails of the domestic dispute so they distanced themselves from it. This is contrary to their job as police. If they didn’t believe me then they should have done something about it. Like contact social services with their suspicions.
Yes, I come from a broken home. Does this not seem consistent as to how I wound up in an abusive marriage? However when my son was born it was like a veil was lifted before my eyes and I saw my marriage for what it was. Destructive. I wanted to break the cycle for my son. I have a hard time swallowing that bit about rich being such a bright young man before he met me. He was in bankruptcy, (which he nearly dragged me into, girlfriend of 2 months). He cried this sob story to me about how it was all his business partner’s fault, about how his business partner was doing drugs and was thrown in jail, so that he defaulted on his end of the bargain and Rich had to go through bankruptcy for it. He was being medically treated for depression, and was up on criminal charges for drinking and driving. (He had at least 3 dui’s) and he was hooked on both cocaine and marijuana. I was way to young to be able to see and understand all of this and played dumb to what little I did see.
You also talk about wedding finances. Well then lets also talk about how I had a zirconium instead of a diamond. Let’s talk about how my dress was a rental. Am I bitter? No actually, it was a beautiful wedding. I am resentful of how I am portrayed as a bad person because the saunders decided that my parents had to contribute the same amount of money to the wedding as they did. fair-fair-same-same was their family motto. Wait a sec, wasn’t it decided years before I ever came into the picture that rich’s parents would contribute X number of dollars to his wedding, the same as they did for his sister? Fair-fair-same-same remember. Yes, in one breath they condone my mother as an alcoholic, yet in another they whine about money of a bill they decided my parents owed. Who did my parents owe it to again? And what does that have to do with my relationship with the saunders? Is this starting to shed light to anyone else as to how the saunders treat each other? I am in the hot seat because I call a spade a spade. They attacked me like this in the privacy of my marriage and when I said this is not a proper way to treat another person and requested a divorce, they continued to attack me socially whispering behind their hands, while friends carried on about how respectful they were of me and never said a bad word.
If Rich really cared about his son, then how does murdering him help the situation? Why didn’t he keep at social services? Why didn’t he keep at support groups? Why didn’t he try to get help for someone, anyone. Denying a child the right to grow up never really solves the problems. The problem was power and control.
I cant really comment on the “false” accusations that this family member speaks of because he/she did it annonamously. But I can say, I did not make false accusations.
I do attest to being a bit of a hippie. I have been known to show up on my friend’s doorsteps uninvited, but I have never been unwelcome, nor have I ever been asked to leave. I also help others, and return the favour whenever possible. This is pretty exemplary of how far this person is going to try to be spiteful. How is this a bad thing that makes me an awful person? This is called friendship and companionship, perhaps you have forgotten in your fair-fair-same-same ness.
Shall I now make reference to “friends of the family’s” testimonials about how the saunders have always been so polite and respectful and have never slung mud at me? Im sorry but it appears as this family member is digging pretty deep if they carry on about me being a “hippie” and carrying on about student loans.
Back to finances… student loans because these somehow seem to be significant to murder. At the time of my son’s death, it was two years since I had been a stay at home mom. In that two years I had done another year of school, refurnished an entire house (because rich quoted the dower act and refused to let me have ANYTHING). I had replaced my car 4-5 times due to vandalism, supported a child on my own, worked part time, and the saunders slag me for not paying back $17,000 in student loans? In 24 months? Impressive. And then I am criticized about moving back to drumheller looking for stability from rich’s parents after the divorce. Did you forget where we met? Did you forget what I was doing for work? I am a palaeontologist. There are 4 manufacturing facilities in North America that reproduce dinosaurs, my trade. Did I really move there for them because they were the one grain of stability in my life? If they were so stable, why didn’t they assist with resolution of a problem that was obviously beyond our means to resolve? What steps did they take to help? Or did they just sit back and criticize me after the fact.
Oh and I see there was reference to me being up on charges for trying to run someone over. What is the court action number? What is the court date? Id love to attend to see what kind of spectacle this is. If anyone else is curious about this, please feel free to go to any court house in Alberta and pull the file. If they are charges pending, there will be a public file. My legal last name is McIntosh, my birthdate is July 2, 1981.
I have always tried very hard not to sling mud, I cant say I have always been successful, but I think I deserve the right to a rebuttle and to defend my name from ridiculous comments like how I sent my son for visits missing clothes just so the saunders family would buy me more baby clothes. Sorry. I also recall being criticized for spending too much money when I was garage saleing in fort mac, I was stocking up on more baby clothes for him to grow into because I was preparing to leave. I still have boxes of clothes that would be too big for him yet.
One more bit of mud in the eye. If you were such an involved family member, maybe you would not have spelled Colton’s name wrong.
I do attest that domestic violence creates instability in the abused parent too. That is part of the cycle that I was trying to break, but try walking a mile in my shoes. It shouldn’t be called paranoia because paranoia refers to fear of things that aren’t there, or things that are imagined. Neither case applies in this circumstance, one can not refute that Rich murdered my son and left me to live the rest of my life without my best friend. If he was homicidal and concerned about colton growing up with a crazy woman, why didn’t he just kill me and him and let colton grow up in the care of the state? It wasn’t about what was best for colton it was about hurting me.
Comment by Meara — March 5, 2009 @ 5:51 pm
you have a welcome space…you can say all that you need here, meara
Comment by Rj — March 5, 2009 @ 10:48 pm
Meara
I didn’t live your life- and am therefore not qualified to comment. Unlike several of the persons who DID comment -on your life.Those comments indicate extreme pettiness.The authors probably are as insignificant as humans, as their comments would indicate.,
I personally commend you for your courage and integrity in “standing up” to these- people who wrote such reprehensible comments about a young mother who is living the tragedy of losing her child by heinous means.
This site and all the others that are linked- are wonderful.You have, a few hundred mothers “here” who are with you,in spirit-100%.
My children experienced what some authors have called “soul murder”. And- it seems that ALL mothers who lose their children ,one way or another, to a perpetrator of criminal acts-are crazy ! You are in excellent company ! The rest of the world should be crazy like us !
Guess you grow biting insects out there- as large as the dinosaurs you re-create !
Comment by Elizabeth Cook — March 6, 2009 @ 1:36 am
Meara- p.s.- I am also in Canada.
Comment by Elizabeth Cook — March 6, 2009 @ 1:37 am
[...] Nowhere To Turn: Mother Knew It Was “The Most Dangerous Time” [...]
Pingback by Meara McIntosh, Mother of Young Boy Killed by Father in Another Murder-Suicide, Speaks Out … | Father's Winning Custody — March 6, 2009 @ 1:00 pm
To Meara
How you must be grieving… I wonder if little Colton is running about with the Angels having a ball in his holloween costume, how very thoughtful of you. You are a shining example of a mothers intuition and I salute you. It is a deplorable situation that the people in authority, the ones who are there to serve and protect didn’t have the same intuition or at least erred on the side of caution. I came across this website by accident and have read all the comments, how angry you must be and with good reason. To be attacked on an international website by the very person/people whom you went to for help is deplorable. This Sandra person, Councillor, trusted by the community, is nothing but a trouble maker who should have her own day in Court being stripped of her professional qualifications. She has slandered you mercelessly and accused you of speaking out to the press. It seems to me whe wants her own five minutes of fame, shame on her. Regardless of your background, your mothers background, whether you were a hippie and owe student loans, why does this all make you a crazy person and what the hell has it got to do with the murder of your baby. If you were the crazy person why is it that the so called sane one perpetrated the crime. Sandy even says she was shocked to hear that Richard killed your boy and not you. What sort of councillor is she that she can’t work out who is the really troubled patient and as you say, even if she thought you were the crazy one and should not be around Colton, then SHE SHOULD HAVE REPORTED IT TO THE APPROPRIATE AUTHORITIES but she did nothing. I ask you Sandy, do you take any responsibility for what happened, do you sleep at night, cause I’m sure as hell that Meara doesn’t. How dare you, in your professional capacity, behave in such a way. I can only hope Meara that someone has alerted the Mental Health Board to this blog or that perhaps when you are feeling stronger that you report this woman before she does more harm. For her information and for your validation I know exactly what it is like to behave ‘like a crazy woman’ when it comes to protecting your child. My daughter was murdered by her husband in January 2006, she was 3 months pregnant. In the previous October she ended up in hospital and I felt strongly that he had tried to poison her. Everyone, my family, the doctors, his parents, all said I was crazy and read too many books, no one would help me. I begged her to leave and finally she told him she would leave if he didn’t change and then in January he shot her in the head and left her on a track in the bush like a dog. I still don’t remember all that I said or did in the months leading up to and during her dissapearance. I do remember feeling that so much was out of my control and it made me so crazy, I just wanted to protect my girl and no-one would listen. Unfortunately her husband was too much of a coward to shoot himself as well and so left behind their beautiful baby daughter without either parent, she lost her whole world that day and he had the audacity to take us to court for 9 months for access visits because well, he’s her father and he has rights don’t you know. All the while the Social Security people and the courts let him do it and all that made me even more crazy. So I can relate fully to your mental state, actions and your grief Meara and I defy anyone who hasn’t walked a day in your shoes Meara to pass judgement upon you. May they never have to experience the pain and anguish you have, before and after the murder of your son.
From one mother to another who has lost their child to murder at the hands of the one who was supposed to love and protect them, may you find a moment of peace now and then to just reflect in the memory of your beautiful boy and know that my utmost thoughts of love and support are with you. You are an incredibly brave human being and I salute you.
Julie Hand
Australia
Comment by Julie Hand — March 8, 2009 @ 10:33 am
Chris (Post #4)
You claim that there would be no law that would prevent you from handing over your child to a person you feared. You claim there are places to hide. Well you are judging without giving due consideration. 1) There are no shelters near Drumheller. The closest ones are in Strathmore (1 hour away) and Red Deer (2.5 hours away) The court order from September 8, 2008 prevented me from going to either of these as I was not allowed to cross Drumheller city limits. Did the judge really think about this when he made that order? He legally prevented me from going to a womens shelter. I would have been tossed in jail for several weeks if I had sought the reccomended protection. 2) If the only repurcussion to breaking these court orders were jail time and loss of custody I would have done it in a heart beat! HOWEVER, that was not my fear. my fear was not my loss of custody, but in the event my ex did gain custody. My ex knew how to hurt me most, through my son. He would have emotionally and spiritually tortured my son for the rest of his life just to hurt me. That is what I was fighting. I remember the pain in my ex’s eyes as he described things from his childhood (we all have childhood injustices, it was relatively normal), but the problem was he could not connect it to his current anger issues, and so those normal injustices ate at him constantly, causing him to eliviate it with drugs/alchohol which caused more problems with DUI’s when he drove a truck for a living. He blamed this pain and hurt on me because I chose to ask him for a divorce when he would not either deal with his pain or stop drinking and driving. I did not want my son to grow up when I knew his father would actively teach my son things that would cause pain and confusion. (One time my son came home and told me that I was bad because I didnt go to church… but both my ex and I were agnostic)
I had plenty of places to hide even with the legal restriction of shelters, BUT if did not show up on schedule the judge would have called me a “run away mom” and thrown kidnapping charges at me. Do you realize you do not really need to flee a location to kidnap a child? As I recall there was a very high profile case with a hollywood mom who didnt run, but holed up and refused to give her child over. Dad now has custody (this is a bit of a bad example because I too am just a spectator judging/writing about another divorce on the internet). I also dont want fathers to get all up in arms at me, because there are some circumstances where the father is the better parent for the job, BUT not in this case. I do not ever state that all dads are the same, and children should ALWAYS be with their mother. Take my parents for example. I thought my father was the better parent to live with, I chose to live with him. Researching popular thought and trends and compairing it to stats of abuse is mind blowing. Popular thought is that dads are treated so unfairly. Do you know how much courage it takes to stand up and say you are being stalked? Most women do not talk about it publicly, because it is horrifically embarrassing and humiliating. When was the last time you read about a detailed account of a rape? or would you get 3 sentances into it and turn away? Abuse, rape and murder are so violent that most people can not even hear about because it is so scary it shakes the foundations of all we believe in, and so people believe what they hear about the most often and something a little easier on the ear, how dads are more often financially abused by the system. Due to my own issues I must evaluate what is more significant, money or violent abuse, rape, and murder? abuse, rape and murder are FAR MORE COMMON than realized. As brave as I am I will not even fess up to all of what I happened to me. look at what happened to me last time I did, a therapist I saw 3 – 4 times started beaking about me on the internet.
Comment by Meara — March 8, 2009 @ 11:29 am
Thank you Julie. Your words meant a lot to me. The anxiety I was in, in the months prior to my son’s death is something of the like I have never, nor will ever feel again. I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. truly.
I found a very good article on the internet in connection with these blogs. I urge EVERYONE to read it. I MEAN EVERONE!!!!!!!! Im working my way through it, as it is very long and Ive only got about 3/4 of the way through the article, but it is like a cold salve on a hot burn.
http://justice4mothers.wordpress.com/child-custody-and-visitation-decisions-in-domestic-violence-cases/
Comment by Meara — March 9, 2009 @ 5:27 pm